Weird

Did I Dream This Day?

It’s been a strange day. Amazing, but weird. It started with my alarm scaring me so badly I almost yelped. I might have actually done it but I was out of it so I can’t be sure. I was super groggy when I got out of bed so it took me a while to notice I wasn’t in any pain.

You might assume I would jump for joy at this realization but not only do I never jump, as to avoid pain, but I was so confused by it I couldn’t have thought to be happy enough to leap. I simply let the dogs out and fed them, got ready and took my kid to school. I’m lucky I remembered to brush my teeth and throw a clippie in my hair.

After dropping her off I went to the gym, for the first time in four days I believe. I was a little nervous but even working out was odd today. First, I didn’t sweat while on the elliptical. I know, TMI but this was so out of the ordinary it’s worth adding to the list of strangeness that was this day.

Since it has been half a week since I worked out I expected it to be really hard but it wasn’t. I felt like I breezed through everything. Part of me wanted to stay longer and work harder but I was afraid my back would rebel. During all of this there was this tiny lady staring me down. I do mean the entire time. No matter where I went or what I did she was right there.

She had no expression on her face so I couldn’t figure out why she only had eyes for me. It was so uncomfortable! Eventually I got tired of it so after she once again got settled on the machine closest to mine I got up and went into the 30-minute workout room to finish up. I kept expecting her to come in there but she didn’t. I forgot about her and did what I needed to. When I left the room I saw her right outside the doorway but she was turned away.

I felt like a guilty child rushing past, hoping I wouldn’t get caught, but I did. A woman I previously worked with stopped me before reaching the other corner and we stood and talked for a few minutes. I was happy to see her but I wished we were standing anywhere but where we were. I could feel those eyes on me again!

When my conversation was ending, tiny lady walked past us and went into the locker room. So I went to sit in a massage chair for a while. While sitting there I realize I was being stupid. The poor woman had probably accidentally focused on me while she was working out and she might not have any idea she’d made me so uncomfortable. As there was nothing I could do about it I stopped thinking about it and tried to enjoy the massage.

Then I went to the locker room. Standing in front of my locker, naked, was tiny lady. She jerked a towel up in front of her, lengthwise, and scowled when she saw movement but as soon as she saw my face she relaxed and dropped the towel. She turned her back to me and went about her business. I don’t know precisely what that business was because I was too busy trying to find my locker without actually looking anywhere in its direction.

I’m pretty sure I bent sideways to retrieve my bag. This is impressive because as far as I know I shouldn’t be able to do that without a lot of pain. I promptly went into one of the changing rooms and closed the curtain. I heard a loud sigh from her, which prompted me to change slower than I ever have, ever, in the history of ever.

I heard another woman walk in and she made this odd little squeaky, gaspy sound. This was followed by a snort and a laugh, origin unknown. I’m sitting there on the little bench trying my hardest not to giggle at how ridiculous the whole situation was when I hear some huffing sounds. I believe they were offended noises but I can’t be sure, then someone walked out. I guess another lady had come in because one said “Can you believe that?” and another answered “Nope.” Then all was quiet and I finished changing.

When I peeked out there was only one other person in the room and she jerked around and stared at me in horror, then relief, I’m guessing because she feared I was also naked. She smiled at me sheepishly and we both left.

In the parking lot I was almost approached by a drunk woman asking for money (this was 9am!) but she was fixated on a man who’d come out before me. She kept yelling “Sir!” over and over but he was ignoring her. She turned in my direction and said “Ma’am,” but then turned back to the fleeing man and forgot about me.

I headed to what is quickly losing its title of ‘favorite writing place” to write. There was some guy in my spot, for the second time in a week. I guess it’s become his favorite spot too. So I sat in at the second choice table. It was a little uncomfortable because I didn’t have my laptop and while I can write without it, it was a change in my routine that threw me off. Still, I had my tablet and a spiral so I got to work.

The end of my novel was rearing its head at me. I was half excite and half terrified. Add in being weirded out by how my day was going and I had no clue if I’d be able to write. I did. My first task was to type up a few scenes I’d handwritten, then I wrote a couple more. When it came time for the last scene I realized I’d already written it, weeks ago, by hand. I was hungry by this point and my back started hurting so I went home for lunch and to search for the scene. I never found it. I searched through everything but it was nowhere.

I tried looking on the computer, just in case I’d already typed it up. It wasn’t there either. I searched through all my spirals and notes again, then again. Finally I decided to rewrite it. It irritated me because I liked the way I wrote it originally and I didn’t feel like the new version lived up to it, but I can fix it during revisions.

Then it struck me. I was finished with the first draft! I was so distracted by my odd day and the search for the elusive scene, I hardly noticed my accomplishment. I didn’t feel excited. I felt weird. It was like I couldn’t believe it or something. This day has simply been too weird.

So I must be dreaming, although I hope not because I don’t want to dream about odd tiny naked ladies, and spot stealing men. I certainly don’t want to write that final scene again!

Sidenote: There were several more odd occurrences today. From me leaving the dogs alone to take my son to the store without thinking about it (we never leave them unsupervised) to a woman calling me from the doctor’s office saying I owed $700 I don’t actually owe (which she discovered was an error on their part). I hope nothing else strange happens today. One can only take so much!

I Can’t Wait Until I’m Old So I Can Be An (*$#%@&^)

When I was younger, a few months or so ago, I often wondered if people getting close to the age they consider old said that to themselves. Lately I’ve encountered so many mean, irritable, grumpy, rude, insertcurseword-ish elderly people it was like a plague had hit.

It seemed everywhere I went they were to be found. At my favorite writing spot hogging tables. At the grocery store mumbling obscenities at everyone they passed when the other people didn’t move out of their way quickly enough. Driving through town causing road rage wherever they very slowly went. There was the guy at the convenience store who cut in a long line and glared at the young girl who dared to question him, or at least started to dare before his frightening expression shut her down.

Oh, I can’t forget to mention the lady in a department store parking lot whose car somehow managed to take up three spaces. When I noticed I shook my head and she jumped out of her car and screamed at me as I walked by.

During some of these, and other, encounters, I’ve said what was stated in the title to myself. Or wondered if I’d be a jerk to everyone around me with impunity once I hit a certain age.

Every time I encountered one of these people it would irritate me and I’d piss and moan about it to my husband or friends, sometimes even my kids, but I wouldn’t do anything.

Then something happened.

I wish I knew what my trigger was but I don’t . One day I realized my bullshit detector was on super sensitive while my tolerance of said bullshit was at an all time low. At times, like with the lady in the parking lot, I snapped back. All I said was “Look at your parking lady.” when she was yelling and questioning my right to shake my head. However, while I know I didn’t say it in a nasty tone, I’m quite sure I delivered it in a way that would irritate her the most. Not very nice on my part.

Or at the grocery store when an extremely older woman tried to herd me out of her way with her cart and I didn’t budge. In all fairness, in this case I couldn’t have moved due to other shoppers but I know damn well I wouldn’t have anyway.

So this brings me to my point. It’s a vicious cycle. These pissed off elderly folk were probably treated poorly by people they thought of as old and now that it’s their turn, they are doing the same to the ones of us who are younger.

AND I WAS IN THE PROCESS OF PERPETUATING THIS CRAP!

There I was, reacting the way we all eventually end up reacting  when others are jerk faces to us. It’s like the ones who were pissing me off were gradually passing the torch to me. I’ll admit, at the rate these encounters were happening, my goal-age for being an old asshole was going to end up being much younger than the ones I watched behave badly. Not only that, but I was contributing to the anger these perpetrators already had too much of.

A strange, and all too often occurrence (at least the start of it) today made me really think about what I was doing. A lady deliberately cut me off with her cart several times at a drug store. I don’t know why she singled me out or what prompted her to keep it up but I was getting pretty irritated. Not the first time she did it. I hardly noticed, just a minor blip on my ‘oh look another a-hole’ radar. I can’t tell you what my expression so I don’t know if it contributed. A few rows in she did it a second time, with eye contact.

I remember thinking, man what’s up with this lady, but I kept searching for what I needed to buy. You know that feeling you get when someone is staring at you? I kept feeling it and every time I looked up I saw her over the short displays and she would quickly look away. It was so weird but I said “It’s not all about you Kristi” over and over. But it was all about me this time.

We were in the vitamins section and there are four or five rows of the stuff. Each time I left the row I was on, there she was, her cart almost colliding with mine, along with a nasty look, then a satisfied smile for her friend looking at end caps.

After several times I was beginning to wonder if she was playing some kind of game since she seemed to be enjoying herself. Then it hit me. Was I really taking the time to wonder if some pissy old lady was messing with me? Yep. As this had never happened to me before I was quite surprised. It was a little funny and I found myself smiling. I glanced at my nemesis  and instead of quickly turning her headthis time she glared at me. Guess the smile rubbed her the wrong way. Oops!

I giggled. A lot. It was just so ridiculous. I couldn’t help myself, every time I looked at her, I laughed harder. She got madder, then I guess confused based on her expression. Somehow through my giggle fit I found my vitamins and started to leave. She moved to cut me off again.

I let her. Then I left.

Once in my car I felt guilty because I know me laughing made it worse. Then I got mad because I didn’t think I should have to feel guilty for her being an ass and I hadn’t done it on purpose.

Then I made a decision. From now on I’m going to do whatever it takes to avoid people like her. I don’t have to bite back, or in this case laugh (which is another form of fighting back at times). I can keep my head shakes to myself and just get out of the way when needed. This doesn’t just apply to the well aged, I’ll stay away from jerks of all ages.

I can’t control my face (when I amused mostly) so I’ll keep my head down when others act like toddlers. I’m not really a petty person and I don’t like how someone being nasty brings it out in me. I can’t fix them, but I can try to be a better me.

Most important, I’m not going to let the anger infect me. And when I’m old enough to act like an asshole and get away with it, I won’t. Even when I want to.


 

Sidenote: Somehow some aspects of the lady from the drugstore must becomea part of my novel. I’m in need of minor characters.

Story A Day Challenge – Day 12 – The Collection

Nick stood before his art collection discontented. He’d known for a while something was missing but wasn’t sure what he needed. Before today he felt he had a little of everything. At least one piece of art representative of every style he loved. Some he adored so much he would have tattooed them on his own body but he could not tolerate pain. So instead he gathered the artwork of what he truly wanted but couldn’t tolerate and displayed each along his walls.

He realized he needed a masterpiece for a focal point but nothing he had would do. Maybe he could hire someone to draw something special for him after breakfast. It would cost a fortune, probably as much as an actual tattoo, but it would be worth it. Decision made he went to eat.

Sitting in the restaurant enjoying his omelet he noticed someone a few tables over. A guy with no hair sat facing the other way. On his head was the most glorious tattoo Nick had seen yet. He could see the back and tail of a dragon in red, royal blue and purple tones.

When the man turned Nick could see the dragon’s head and upper body started on his forehead and swept back, ending at the base of his neck. Excitement filled Nick. He checked his bag as discreetly as he could to make sure he had what he needed.

He finished his meal quickly and paid the waitress but asked for one more cup of coffee while he waited for the other man to be done as well then followed him outside. Luck was with him as the guy had parked close to Nick’s own vehicle in the back lot.

Approaching as quietly as he could, he closed the distance and jabbed the guy with his syringe. The man dropped to the ground and Nick dragged him to his van. He used duct tape to secure his victim and used another injection to make sure there would be no surprises.

Nick made the short drive back to his home and once inside tied the man to his work table. He again admired the magnificent tattoo. He recognized his favorite artist’s work of course. Most of his collection were by Rodrick at Tattoo-ing’s Palace. He took several pictures of the man’s head before opening his toolbox.

He hoped the bone saw would do the job. Nick had many arms and legs in his collection but he’d never cut off a head before. Skinning the man was out of the question. The scalp was too thin and he couldn’t risk damaging the art. This was so much better than a paper drawing! He couldn’t wait to make it the main attraction; finally his collection would be complete.


I waited most of the day for a prompt for the Story A Day Challenge to be posted but it’s not there yet. I didn’t want to use the prompt being late as an excuse to not write so I decided to just write whatever came to me. I’ve had a lot of ideas for creepy stuff lately so I went with one of those. I had planned to use this particular idea for a longer short story but quite frankly it freaked me out too much to do more with it. This guy is clearly nuts but he is correct in believing that some tattoos are works of art.

Rough draft 462


Sidenote: Whenever the Story A Day prompt is posted I will try to write another story using it and post it next week.

“I Like Turtles.”

“I like turtles.” Never have three words been used to annoy two young girls as much as they have this summer. This is a really old video but somehow I came across it again recently. It probably randomly popped up in my Facebook feed. Since then I’ve used it so many ways I should be almost be ashamed of myself, or at least my daughters feel that way.

It started with me waking them up one morning. To get my youngest daughter out of bed I have to either sound angry, annoyed or annoying. During the summer I normally opt for the latter. For example, I once opened the door to their shared bedroom and loudly said “boop.” That’s all, nothing else. Both sat up, gave me the death look and did the teenager sigh (I live for that sigh). I’ve tried singing – badly, weird voices – mostly quoting movies and occasionally videos on Youtube (yaaassss), asking bizarre questions, etc. I tend to be pretty repetitive too so they get the joys of double annoyances.

A week or so before I went out of town I walked in their room and said “I like turtles.” I like to think I said it exactly the way the zombie kid did. One daughter sat straight up startled and the other said “what did you say?” I repeated it and they both looked confused but wide awake. Little did they know it was the beginning of one of the most irritating times of their lives!

I woke them up a few more times with it, including playing it on my phone on max volume. I sent many texts and memes. Some they laughed at, others rated only an: “OMG Mom!”  I searched for their favorite things/people and the word turtle to find stuff to send them, namely Homestuck and Anna Kendrick (I succeeded too). I took pictures of everything turtle related I came across including a metal turtle on my in-laws’ porch, glass turtles found in every single truck stop we visited and this beauty:

TurtleCrossing

I couldn’t have possibly aggravated them more. By the time I quit, it had degenerated down to only eyerolls. Once the sighs stop I’m done. I’m a mom, I always reserve the right to be super irritating, repetitive, and funny (at least to myself). When you were(/are) a teenager wouldn’t you rather have been woken up by silliness than grumpiness? Doesn’t sending stupid turtle pictures seem like a better way to check in with family when you’re far away rather than constantly asking if they are behaving and getting their chores done? Besides, with me having an emergency situation come up while out of town the kids were scared. The best thing I could do to reassure them was to be my normal ridiculous self.

The only bad thing to come out of the weeks of turtleness is now I have to come up with something newly annoying, but since I always do I’m not worried! Maybe I’ll go back to the ‘yaaassss’ cat or the ‘how now?’ thing. Any ideas you want to share will be appreciated and utilized. I would hate to have to resort to learning the words to whatever song is popular right now…

Sidenote: In case you were wondering, I don’t particularly like turtles.

Flash Fiction – What Lives Under The Bridge?

Sam planned carefully. He would say the most intelligent things ever said. He would show them all his opinion carried more weight than the idiot on center stage. His comments were more important. The sword of his words would impale the other jerk and leave her bleeding.

With each new sentence he would bully the bully who had dared to contradict him. How dare her call him immature for stating his opinion. He stamped down the guilt that reared its ugly head. It didn’t matter who started it! Sam would flay her with carefully thought out vitriol. She would walk away crying. Such thoughts reigned as he pounded out the words, patting himself on the back for his cleverness.

Wait, did she just laugh at me? Bitch. Her comment shattered his argument. This could not be allowed. Quickly he changed the focus, accusing the woman of being the real drama queen. He threw out as many of her transgressions as he could remember. That would put her in her place and stop Sam from losing the argument.

He waited patiently for the response, for the detractor to slink away, tail between her legs, firmly beaten. The notification popped up. Sam nervously clicked on it and read the comment: “rolls eyes.”

With an inarticulate gargle he threw his laptop across the room. He had been out-trolled.


This story is as dumb as the internet fights that inspired it. Now I’m going to go write something about ‘real’ troll who lives under a bridge.


Photo by Ryan McGuire

Guilty Pleasures

There is one thing I despise above all others: crying. Yet I found myself watching “surprise” videos on YouTube this morning, bawling like a baby each time the surprised person/people cried. I do this on a semi-regular basis. It’s one of my weird guilty pleasures. While emptying my full trashcan of Kleenex I started thinking about other guilty pleasures, and since I need to write, I made a list. I don’t actually feel guilty about most of these, but some I think are strange and some I don’t do around anyone else.

  1. Obviously the surprise videos. It can be anything from announcements to proposals, to military homecomings. If someone is going to cry happy tears, I’m there.
  2. Reality competition shows. Not all of them, but I will watch any singing contest (minus America’s Got Talent) and I love So You Think You Can Dance. I do not watch Dancing With The Stars. I do like Project Runway (because I can’t do that stuff), some seasons of Survivor and Faceoff is a new love. I’ll confess to watching America’s Next Top Model occasionally but the super doses of drama always drive me away at some point. I was really into Hell’s Kitchen but not so much anymore, but Masterchef is required watching. Top Chef can go either way for me. I do not watch the Bachelor or Bachelorette. The Biggest Loser makes me cry so it’s on the list. I do not watch lifestyle reality shows or whatever you would call the Kardashian nonsense. I have been known to temporarily get addicted to American Pickers and whatever the gold rush thing in Alaska is called in August when we visit my husband’s parents in New Jersey every year, since his dad watching that stuff.
  3. I have a new appreciation for Canadian sci-fi shows. Luckily I have Netflix to feed this emerging addiction. If you haven’t seen Continuum you’re missing out.
  4. Easy Cheese. I know, but I can’t help myself. Also Oscar Meyer Ham & Cheese loaf lunch meat.
  5. 80’s music. Not all of it, and not very often but I love to sing along (when no one is around) and I already know all the words to every song from that decade anyway, so I might as well enjoy it.
  6. I like weird cute socks.
  7. Candy. Specifically Pixy Stix, Smarties, Lemon Drops, Lemonheads and cherry Twizzlers.
  8. Old X-men, Thundercats, Danny Phantom and Sailor Moon cartoons.
  9. The Fifth Element. I watch this a couple of times a year.
  10. Starship Troopers. I have no explanation for this. Also Dirty Dancing, even though it’s not an action movie.
  11. Catchy songs that will remain unnamed. I DO have a reputation to maintain! Lucky for me I have teenage daughters who I occasionally give control of the radio to. It’s not really my fault if I accidentally learn the words to the stuff they listen to over and over.
  12. Chips. I’m seriously trying to get over this one but I don’t want to! I gave up smoking, giving up chips is ten times harder! Plus chicken strips. This will be the last unhealthy food I give up.
  13. Snyder of Hanover’s Salted Caramel pretzel pieces, and English Breakfast hot tea.
  14. Mints, most flavors. This probably stems from the quitting smoking thing.
  15. Cracked.com. No one can read/watch just one. Same with Buzzfeed.com.
  16. Lootcrate.
  17. Online games, specifically World of Warcraft.
  18. Buying office supplies. I can never have too many pens, pencils, notebooks, etc. Especially pens!
  19. I will admit to marathoning Buffy, Charmed, Smallville (surprised me too), Supernatural, Battlestar Galactica, All the Stargate shows, Doctor Who, Torchwood, The Arrow, Chuck, Continuum, Highlander, Alias, Firefly, Grimm, John Doe (so before it’s time!), All Star Treks, and occasionally Hercules and Xena. If you consider that I’m a fantasy writer, this is all research! I can neither confirm nor deny owning most of these.
  20. My last and best guilty pleasure is rereading certain Fantasy series every year. In no way do I feel guilty about this though. Certain books are meant to be cherished and enjoyed forever. Nothing heavy allowed on my reread list. I don’t do Lord of the Rings, but I do read Harry Potter every year. No literary fiction but Terry Brooks, David Eddings, Anne McCaffrey and Brandon Sanderson make the cut, plus many more. I read fast so the list is necessarily long.

What about you? Any guilty pleasure you want to share? I’m sure I’ve left some off the list.

Writers Are Weird

I was working a lesson in the writing class I’m taking and I had a moment. You know, one of those breakthrough moments. I was making a mind map about why I want to write. I came up with many things that surprised me but one in particular struck me.

I wanted to be able to justify my weird. I’ve been odd my entire life. I’ve always seen things just a little differently than the people around me. I over-analyze everything (I don’t advise this). I add theme songs to daydreams. I bring up books constantly as examples of…well everything.

I often came across as distant. I wasn’t really, but when you’re in the middle of making up a cool fight scene it’s a little difficult to give others your full attention. I’ve lived more in my head a good portion of the time.

I was/am one of those types I like to call fringe people. You know, the kind that like to be in a group but stay on the edges. I’m not anti-social but I’m too busy watching everything to truly participate. I enjoyed this a lot but everyone else tried, unsuccessfully, to get me more involved. Every time someone came to the realization that I was content where I was, they thought I was weird as hell.

One guy thought I was the strangest person he’d ever met because I really truly listen to lyrics in songs. It probably didn’t help that I said things like: “This song talks to me.” Another said only weirdos and the British drink tea!

I’ve been accused of being strange because I read science fiction and fantasy. Or even just for preferring reading to whatever it is that someone else wants to do. My coworkers at previous jobs never could understand that reading IS doing something and no I really didn’t want to stop to talk about nothing with them. The readers out there get that one. Ever heard this while reading: “Since you’re not busy….”

No matter what anyone thought or said, I stayed weird. It’s part of me. It is me. However, when you hear something in a negative light for years and years it eats away at you. I didn’t know that until this lesson. Somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered if being weird was good. There was some guilt insidiously hiding there. Sometimes it made me stupidly put down my pen. I got over that but there was still a need to prove myself.

If I was this weird then I damn well better be a writer or the weird was for nothing, unjustified. Well frack that! I am weird, and I will wear that title with pride. I will write because I want/have to, not just because I feel like I should just to prove something to someone.

It boils down to most people think you should be exactly like them and if you’re not then you are branded with these terms: weird, strange, odd or bizarre. I looked up the definitions and I fail to see how of these things are bad.

  • Weird — fantastic; bizarre
  • Strange — unusual, extraordinary, or curious
  • Odd — differing in nature from what is ordinary, usual, or expected
  • Bizarre — markedly unusual in appearance, style, or general character and often involving incongruous or unexpected elements; outrageously or whimsically strange; odd

I don’t need to justify my weird, I need to embrace it. I’m a writer and writers are weird. We have to be and if we weren’t then there wouldn’t be so many books out there to enjoy.

So I’ll keep reading and getting way too into music. I’ll continue writing and I’ll always be weird

If you’ve ever been saddled with these labels, well it’s probably true, and so what? What exactly is it that you have to prove? All you have to be is you. Be weird, embrace strange, believe in bizarre. Normal is just a setting on a washing machine anyway.


I’ll call this my six minutes of writing for the day, but it took much longer. Now I’m going to do some writing in 10 minute bursts for a while. I love productive days!

Sidenote: When I did a spell check, frack didn’t come up lol!

Why Is This Armadillo Smiling?

In west Texas we don’t bother with snow globes since that almost mythical fluffy white stuff only shows up occasionally to torture us. We do sand globes! With armadillos! And grassy stuff!

I found this at a ranching museum gift shop while out taking pictures. I also came home with a sunburn on the back of my neck and the crown of my head! I forgot about that problem when I cut my hair short again. Time to find a good hat. If only you all knew how little time I spend outdoors. It’s terrible and wonderful.

I’m happily exhausted and have two hundred or so pictures to sort through later. For now I’m going to do some writing and work on catching up on my class.

More updates soon.

Hot Tea Adventures

Why is a good cup of tea so hard to find? Unfortunately, for me, the only places to get hot tea (away from home), are coffee shops. Of course those places are not going to have a large selection of not-coffee, but it makes me sad. Even the places that say “coffee and tea” in their name only tend to have adequate hot tea. I love going into places like that to write because even though I don’t drink coffee, I think it smells divine. There is something about that aroma that speaks to my muse and brings my creativity out.

I’m not asking much. I drink plain black tea, typically named British breakfast or English tea time. I’m not asking for adventurous flavors or strange mixes. Just a good strong, wonderful cup of regular tea, and some sugar please.

I’m sure some of you reading this know of places that I would kill to visit but while I don’t live in a small town, I don’t live in a big city with a lot of choices either. We have many Starbucks, which I have always thought was only alright, but they recently changed brands of tea, to a less desirable one.

I’ve been to a bookstore in town that has a cafe inside it. They have great tea, amazing, perfect, exactly the flavor I want. The problem is I keep the exact tea at home and I can drink that whenever I want. Plus I don’t really care for the place. It’s tolerable but it gets rather loud because it’s across the street from a high school.

There is a local coffee shop here that previously only had a few choices in flavors and none of them were for me. I was confused as to why they didn’t have a plain option. This was particularly a downer because the place is great, especially for writing. The atmosphere is soothing and the people really try to make sure you have a good experience. It’s nice and quiet too. It’s too bad the tea I tried tasted like flowers.

A couple of weeks ago I went to their website, on the off-chance that they added new flavors, and was astonished to find they added a tea I could drink! I couldn’t get there fast enough. I went in, dragging my husband and looked at the cute tea menu they had set up. Want to guess what wasn’t on it? As my kids say: FML. I asked if they had the flavor I wanted and the guy working said they decided not to carry that one anymore. They only had it for a few months so I was quite surprised. He suggested another tea that was the closest to regular black tea. I looked up the ingredients online and found that it contained blueberries. I’m allergic to salicylates, found in pretty much every berry and most fruits, hence the pickiness about tea flavors. I left sad. I sent them an email today about it, which is why this is all on my mind. I may have pleaded for them to keep serving the one I can drink. 🙂

There are two more places for me to try, but they are tiny and each time I’ve gone, both were so busy there were lines out the door and I never made it in.

Maybe I merely need to try coffee again and force myself to like it. Nah, the mental block is too strong for that. Read The Surgery if you want an explanation of my weirdness about coffee. For now I go to the coffee and tea cafe in the local supermarket and drink the adequate stuff when I want to get out and write.

There is a small ray of tea hope on the horizon. A new place is opening sometime later this year. I hear they will have a better brand but I’ll believe that once I’m addicted.

Do I have to give up my writer status if I don’t drink coffee?


If you think my being overly selective over tea is bad, wait until you hear about the ongoing search for the right flavor of gum each time they discontinue the ones I like!

Flash Fiction – Stanley, The Grumpy, Kid Loathing Salesperson – Flash Fiction

Stanley was destined to hate life from birth. He was supposed to have been born a boy, that’s what the doctor had assured the mother of. Stanley’s father had nearly burst with pride and his parents bought every boy related item under the sun for their impending arrival. A name was settled upon easily. Stanley Allen Stevenson. The first name for his father, the middle for his mother’s uncle.

When the big day came and the child was a girl they ditched the middle name and stubbornly kept the first. She became Stanley Margret Stevenson and she wore a lot of blue.

One would think the girl would be the victim of merciless teasing, kids can be so cruel. Not Stanley, or not for long. At first she tried to go by her middle name but the other kids said it was a grandma name. Then she tried the name Leigh but it never caught on. Finally she made the decision that all children were awful, including herself so she would act accordingly.

Stanley singled out a few of the strongest and most popular boys and beat them up. Thus began a reign of terror her small town never forgot, even after she moved to the big city. When she came home to visit her parents the mom and pop stores closed and people stayed off the streets. No one ever picked on her again.

Eventually Stanley found love and got married. She was nice, as much as she could be, to her husband but her disposition changed little.

Now some people mellow with age, not Stanley. She hated most adults too and became an expert at making everyone around her miserable. She held a special place in her black heart for kids though. Nothing made her happier than ruining some random child’s day or making a teenager feel bad about themselves.

To further her passion she got a job in the only toy store in her city. Stanley was a hard worker and quickly moved up the ranks to management. Oh the stories she could tell of meanness, entrapment and accusations she delighted in.

Her favorite tale was of the little girl she made cry over a stuffed pony. The child ran to her mother and they came back to yell at Stanley. Since she felt no remorse they left without satisfaction. However, before exiting the store the mother informed Stanley she would place a curse on her. She would pay for the way she treated her daughter and all the other children she’d heard about. Of course Stanley had a reputation by then.

A couple of months after the curse, Stanley got very sick. She could hardly eat, she threw up all the time and she was always tired. She went to the doctor and after some tests that made no sense to her she realized the curse had worked. It was the worst possible thing that could ever happen to her.

Quintuplets. The end.


I’ve said this before, sometimes you just need a silly story. This one was a great outlet after the incident my daughter had this weekend. Perhaps I’ll write more adventures for Stanley one of these days.